A few notes for first-time lookers. The pictures are usually just as a supplement. I'll include the posting picture if it has one. I don't own the rights to them on any account. Also, Craigslist has a two-week expiration date on all its postings, so many old articles will be "expired." If someone wasn't crazy about them, they'll be "flagged for removal." If they were claimed, they'll probably be "removed by author." If you actually want to claim anything I post, be speedy. Free things don't last long.
Hah! You thought I was dead, didn’t you? Well, you probably wished it, but that’s alright. Because I’m back! From the dead land down under! And here’s a little tidbit for you, Boston people. I know I always wanted to become a Dungeon Master, and now I can! Or you can. Like I care.
So, guys, if you didn’t know already, I’m in Australia for the semester. Some of you may be saying “but M.E., it’s already been two and a half months since the semester started!” To you, I say hey, I’m aware, but this is the blog I neglect because I know no one reads it and I’m trying to get tumblr famous on my OTHER blog. Gimmie a break. SHEESH.
Anyway.
It’s different down here in many ways, but they still have a Craigslist equivalent called Gumtree (I’m not making this up), and there are freebies! Yay! Mainly it’s comprised of animals, which wouldn’t fly in the US, as we know. Mostly doggiez and kittenz that are so cute I want to barf rainbows everywhere. So here’s a sample.
Goddamn adorable little muffins:
Yea, some free comics. Not much, but, hey, let’s remember they’re free and keep things in perspective. There’s a Batman, so I’m not complaining.
A unicycle. With no pedals (?). How does that work. I guess because it’s a gag gift, no rules apply.
Picture has little to do with anything, but I liked it. I couldn’t find a pic of a unicycle with no pedals. Who knew!?
Wow, that pun didn’t work out well. Quick! Here’s what I hope is a goddamn adorable minpin puppy. I’ve copied over the whole posting so it can live on in infamy, since Craigslist loves taking down free animal ads:
for sale cute and love able baby pup two months old sell for 450.00 call 857-312-3736
WAIT. Whadahell. This says for sale. I feel cheated.
Hell, that dog’s cute. I’m sticking with my posting.
Just look at it. Nice colors. It’s called Oscar. There are two of them.
You… scalawag. Here’s the hull of a play pirate ship! For starting your dream priate-themed playground. It’s got a mast and you can paint it to be *virtually* any pirate ship known to man. “Old Ironsides, the Bounty, the Black Pearl, you name it!” WOW.
It’s cool that the person who’s giving it away got people in the witness protection program to pose for the pictures.
I’m really glad you made this Hello Kitty Prom Night statue. It’s made of paper, and she doesn’t have space for it, but, really, who are we kidding, you should MAKE space for this gem. I hope you won your school project competition.
REAL POSTING. It’ll probably get deleted within an hour, but here it is, in full. The posting title is “free chlamydia and a smile:”
“Hello everyone
I am giving away FREE mild chlamydia. That’s right, free! Hands down the finest quality money can buy. All the way from the Philippines. Dreams can never be too small. Sometimes things happen for a reason. It doesn’t always have to be the end of the party when someone loses a limb. Piñatas filled with blood and fecal remnants always make Stanley Mendez feel like a boy again. Let’s all hold hands and ring the bell of the feline pomegranate hemisphere like our parents’ grand parents wished. Every time a bell rings a geriatric patient takes his last breath and god shines in the war filled sky while he pours piss upon our double sided ragged crater faces. Magic carpet rides available at will- call me. Poor things.”
Yeah, it got deleted by the next morning. That was fun.
Is exactly what you can do with today’s craigslist find. “A few mysterious but useful looking odd metal bars” is the title of this posting, and boy, it couldn’t be more descriptive if it tried. The first thing I thought of, though, was murder weapons. I think I’ve been playing too much L.A. Noire.
